Funny quotes

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams